


Dust & Shadows

by mortally_wounded



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-06 18:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11606154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mortally_wounded/pseuds/mortally_wounded
Summary: Catherine Fray didn't want to be a Shadowhunter, she didn't want to be something that wasn't human, she didn't want to be born a warrior, didn't want to be something that strived on killing, but she also couldn't help what her blood made her. Cat was haunted by the memory of her brother, her dreams tainted by the idea of the family that could have been, and her life overrun by the knowledge of the Shadow World, so Cat held on to her sister and her mother with dear life, devoting her life to make sure that Clary was protected from the world she lived in and everything in it. Catherine Fray didn't want to be a Shadowhunter, and she was damned if her sister was going to have to carry that burden with her.





	1. Chapter 1

_"Jonathan," Cat growled, turning to look her brother in the eye, hands on her hips. "Why am I here?"_

_"It's Clarissa's birthday," Jonathan said simply, taking a bite of an apple that Cat didn't even notice he was holding._

_"I'm aware of that."_ _Cat_ _crossed her arms. "Again, why am I here? I'd really love to wake up right around now."_

_Jonathan flopped down onto_   _Cat_ _'s bed. They were in her room... In her mind at least. They always moved around, but they were in her room most often. "You can leave anytime you want." He took another bite of his apple._

_"13 years,"_ _Cat_   _aid. "We've- You've been doing this for 13 years - since we were six years old. You don't think that if I knew how to leave I wouldn't have done it by now?"_

_"I don't know."_ _Jonathan looked up at his sister and gave her a cocky smile._ _"Maybe you just like to spend time with me."_

_Cat_ _returned the smile. She fell backwards onto the bed beside Jonathan, plucking the apple out of his hand as he was about to take a bite and beginning to eat it herself. "You know sometimes I wish we could just be normal people. Clary's eighteen today. She's_ eighteen _. Our little sister is eighteen and all I can think about is that Mom said she was going to tell her about the Shadow World today."_

_That seemed to catch Jonathan attention. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Cat_ _. "When?"_

_"Last night she said she'd do it this morning, but I really don't think she's going to do it. She's been keeping everything a secret from her for so long, I don't think that fact that Clary's an adult know is going to change anything."_   _Cat_ _threw the apple core across the room and didn't even check to see if it had landed in her trash can before she turned herself over and went face first into her bed. She lifted her head and rested the left of her head on her arm so that she was looking at Jonathans propped elbow. He came down too, copying_   _Cat's movements so that he was looking at her._

_"You really do blame her," He said. "Don't you."_

_"I don't blame her for everything. I don't blame her for not telling me who my- Who our father is, I don't blame her for not telling Clary she's a Shadowhunter or hiding from the Clave or asking me to protect Clary, to ask so little of me yet so much of me at the same time. I don't even blame her for leaving Idris with Clary and me, but what I do- What I do blame her for is that she left you behind."_

_"Why do you blame her for leaving me behind, Cat? You've never told me."_

_"Because I wish you were still alive," Cat said quietly. Her voice was so small that she barely even recognised it._

_"I am." Jonathan's voice was softer than it was before, matching his sister's sudden change of tone. "I've told you so many times."_

_"I know. Every time this happens you keep telling me- keep trying to reassure me that you're still alive, that you're fine, you're living in London now." Cat closed her eyes tightly, and when she opened them again she was looking at her brother with tear clouded eyes._

_"Exactly," Jonathan said, wiping away Cat's tears, the beginning of a smile tugging at his lips. "Would there be any other reason I sound English in your imagination?"_

_They both laughed. "Exactly, that's all it is, it's all my imagination. There's nothing more to it. I must just be crazy."_

_Jonathan smiled at her. "You're not crazy, Kitty."_ Kitty.  _Nobody else ever called her that, Clary and Simon and Luke and her mom and everybody else always called her Cath or Cat, but never Kitty. Cat closed her eyes again. "I love you, Kitty, and tell Clarissa I say happy birthday."_

Cat opened her eyes. The view of her wall was clouded by tears. She sniffed, going to wipe the tears and gunk from her eyes. She turned over to look at her alarm clock.  _5:17._ It was early, much earlier than Cat would normally wake up, and it was still dark out. She thought about trying to go back to sleep, but she had seen Jonathan that night and she knew that she wouldn't even get close to sleep.

She could make Clary breakfast, she probably had enough time to make everybody breakfast. The thought of going on a run crossed her mind, but instead, she opted to stay in her room. She pulled her laptop onto her lap and plugged in some headphones so that she wouldn't wake up Clary or her mom. When she turned on the screen the brightness nearly blinded her. She jumped and clamoured for the brightness button, it would have slid off her lap if it wasn't for Shadowhunter reflexes. The brightness had been turned down, she put on some music, opened a document and started to write.

Writing always calmed Cat. To write about worlds and characters and lives that were more fucked up than her own, it made her feel that little bit better about herself. Cat wrote and Clary drew, they were the perfect duo, the author and the illustrator, the imaginer and the creator, that's how their mom had always put it.

Cat wasn't writing about anything specific lately. Her mind had been cloudy and she wasn't sure why, she could never seem to get the right ideas, the right momentum to start something long and worth the time.

She sat like this, comfortably sitting in her bed and blankets until he felt her stomach start to growl. She looked at the clock in the corner of her laptop screen. It had just ticked past 6 a.m, she should probably start making breakfast.

Cat closed her laptop, taking out her headphones and staring at her room with a deep sigh. The sun had begun to rise, it came through her closed blinds in thin strains of light and illumination.

She was taken aback by the coldness of her wooden floors as she got out of bed, but kept moving towards her closet to get changed. She felt like she was walking on ice.

She put on a pair of black leggings, a ridiculous black  _Brooklyn, NYC_ shirt that Clary had bought her as a gag gift with a cardigan over top and was forced to pull on a pair of ankle socks. She was dressed for college, she was going to stop by campus after she made breakfast. Cat knew that Clary had set her alarm for nine that morning anyway.

Cat wandered into the kitchen. Bacon, pancakes and scrambled eggs (heavy on the salt and pepper). She made some toast and eggs for herself, stealing a piece of bacon that she had made for Clary. She ate on a stool in front of her mom's art easel, watching the sunrise over Brooklyn. She could see everything from up here.

\--

After leaving a note for her mom and for Clary telling the, that their breakfast was in the oven (Cat always kept things warm in the oven. She had a weird thing about microwaves.), Cat walked down to her College. Cat studied English at the Brooklyn School of Language, it was a small school, but extremely difficult to get into taking that there were only 8-12 people in every class. It wasn't that much different than the Brooklyn Academy of Arts that Clary was trying to get into, she had her interview today.

Cat had her own locked drawer in an office at the school, she was the only person with a key and only kept the most important things there. Cat unlocked the drawer and pulled out a hard covered book. That was one of the things that Cat loved about this school, you could print your own books.

The front and back of the book were completely black, but if you had the sight and it was put to the right light, you could see the angelic powers rune in each corner.

She opened the first page and the title sat there, written in calligraphed black ink.  _Dust & Shadows._

Cat was a Shadowhunter who couldn't be a Shadowhunter. She couldn't live in their world, couldn't go out fighting demons and rogue Downworlders all night and come back home covered in blood and ichor. So instead she wrote about Shadowhunters. Since she was 16 she had been working on a story. It took place in Brooklyn, her protagonist was a young girl who finds out that she's a Shadowhunter when she turns 18, and Cat used the exact names, the exact facts for and about any demon and Downworlder she could think of. She had gone to the warlock that her mom had hired to get rid of Clary's sight for help. His name was Magnus Bane and ever since she started writing the story when she was sixteen they had become close friends. When Cat's mom had told her that she was going to tell Clary about the Shadow World, Cat had pressed herself to get it finished.

She had gotten the title,  _Dust & Shadows, _from Magnus. He said the phrase had been carved in Latin into the gates at the London Institute. He said that two of her ancestors, famous Shadowhunters from Victorian London, the first female Consul and the inventor who created sensors and portals, used to live there. Cat liked it the second she heard it and decided it was a fitting title.

Cat slipped the book into the messenger bag that was hanging on her shoulder. She found her phone at the bottom of the bag and checked the time, it was still only 7 a.m.

She decided to go to Magnus' place. She was sure he was already awake, what she wasn't sure of was if he ever actually slept. Cat had gone to his apartment at 3 a.m when she was eighteen and found him watching movies on his couch. She guessed that there was no need to watch the clock when your's would never run out. 


	2. Chapter 2

If two texts from Clary, three from Cat's mom and one missed call from Simon said anything, it said that Cat was extremely late. 

She had lost track of time at Magnus'. He had read half of her book when she realised that she had to leave, and she had let him keep it for the day until she picked it up after she and Clary had left Pandemonium, the club that Magnus owned. The book was supposed to be Clary's birthday present, but she wanted to be sure that their mom had told Clary before she gave it to her.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Cat huffed. She had run all the way from Magnus' loft to Java Jones and she was completely out of breath. Magnus had offered to portal her into an alleyway next to the coffee shop but she insisted ahead need the training. Cat kissed her sister on the cheek and sat down beside her. "I got caught up at school."

"It's okay," Clary laughed.

"You got into art school right. I know you got in. You have to have gotten in."

Clary laughed again. Cat always had the tendency to speak quickly - she was very good with her words, the only side effect of being an English major - it always seemed to make Clary laugh.

Clary got out her art portfolio and pulled out a piece of paper. She placed it on the table and slid it over to Cat with a smile.  The word  _'congratulations'_ printed in red ink was the first and only thing Cat was drawn to.

"Congratulations!" Cat exclaimed. She went to hug her sister and found it very difficult to do so without making either of them fall off their stools. "I knew you would get in."

"Your only saying that because you're my sister," Clary said. They were still hugging.

"I'm not! I knew you were going to get in," Cat broke their hug and looked back at the letter in front of her. "I felt it in my bones."

_**\----------------------------------------------**_   

Pandemonium was loud, too loud, even for Cat, and Cat was used to having the neighbours in the next building complain that she played her music too loud, and when that happened she would turn her headphones to the max and listen to music all night. If she wasn't a Shadowhunter she would probably be hearing impaired by now.

A Shadowhunter had knocked into Clary, a blonde with his runes too visible - they had had a conversation that made Cat's skin crawl. Her mom hadn't told Clary about the Shadow World yet and she was damned if this was the way her little sister was going to find out about it - and Clary had chased after the Shadowhunter. Clary did that a lot, started chasing after things she didn't understand, it normally didn't end well, which is why Cat had to chase after her.

Cat's hand was on the hilt of her seraph blade on her way through the club. It had been in her belt the whole day and Cat was amazed that Clary hadn't seen it. If Cat had known Clary had her sight back she wouldn't have put her blade in her belt, wouldn't of worn clothes that still showed the edges of her runes, wouldn't have let Clary go to Pandemonium.

Clary had seen one of Cat's runes once. Clary had been 14 and Cat 16, she had reached up to get something out of a cupboard and Clary had seen the rune on her stomach. She thought that Cat had gotten a tattoo. "Don't worry," Clary had whispered to her that night. "I won't tell Mom."

But Clary didn't remember that now, that was how she and her mom had known when to take Clary back to Magnus, whenever the spell needed to be redone or refreshed.

_God, we should have told her earlier. She should have found out years ago._  That's what Cat thought as she pushed herself through the crowds of sweaty drunken 'adults' dancing in Pandemonium.

Cat saw a flash of red hair. The club was dark, and the flashing neon lights didn't make anything easier to see, but she knew, she could feel, that it was Clary.

Cat ran after her. She tried calling Clary's name as she ran but everything was too loud, everything was going wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, nothing was supposed to happen at all.

Cat kept her eyes on Clary the whole way, careful not to lose her sister in the crowds. She stopped in the middle of the club and watched as Clary linked arms with a man. Cat couldn't see his face but given the current situation, she figured that he was either a demon or a rogue Downworlder. Cat had no doubt that the Nephilim could handle whatever was happening, Clary didn't need to be involved in any of what was going on.

The man walked up to the V.I.P section of the club, Clary still on his arm. When he approached the velvet red curtains the two men that were guarding either side pulled open the fabric, letting him and Clary through and entering the room behind them.

Cat lost sight of the flash of red hair that had caught her attention in the first place and that's when she knew that by the end of the night something was going to go horribly wrong. Cat kept running. By the time she reached the curtain everything had already gone to shit. The blond Shadowhunter was fighting a demon, a seraph blade glowing in his hand, there was a taller boy, an arrow nocked in his bow ready to fire at an oncoming demon, and there was a woman, long flowing hair and a whip in her hand, one end wrapped around her wrist and the other end wrapped a demons ankles. 

Then she noticed a figure, the person that should have been the first thing she saw, it had her back against the wall and had red hair falling in front of her face.  _Clary._  

Cat ran over to Clary, dropping to her knees when she got to her and check her all over for any wounds. She was aware that she had called Clary's name while she was running to her, but she also felt the blood rush to her ears, and every sound was dampened and hazy, she didn't know what was happening anymore, everything went by in a blur.

"Are you hurt?" Cat asked loudly, she could hardly hear herself. "Clary, are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Clary repeated it like she was trying to convince herself.

Cat could see that Clary's eyes were heavy, she must have hit her head somewhere. Clary opened her eyes widely and started yelling, telling Cat to turn around, and before she knew it there was a slash against her back. It was too late.

Cat spun around, falling hard on her tailbone and unsheathing her blade, landing one blow across the demon's chest before it lurched back. It didn't take long for it to turn into a small heap of black ash on the floor and disappear.

Cat tried to stand up but she fell back down, hitting her head hard on the polished concrete. Her eyes were closed - opening them was too painful - and she was vaguely aware that Clary was calling her name. But everything was silent to Cat now, and even as she reached down and found herself grasping for the air where her stele should have been, Cat heard the faint sound of her brother in her head.

_"Really, Kitty?"_ _Jonathan_ _had said mockingly. "I_ _thought_ _you knew better."_


	3. Chapter 3

_Cat was still on the ground in Pandemonium,_ _the same_ _spot she had blacked out before but the place was deserted. It was_ _just her on the_ _ground_ _and_ _Jonathan_ _looking down at her,_ _holding_ _out a hand to_ _help_ _her up. "Shut up," Cat snapped,_ _taking_ _her_ _brother's hand anyway. "I don't need this right now."_

_"I'm just saying," He continued, still sounding extremely amused. "I really did think you knew better. Where's your stele?"_

_"Dropped it," Cat said with an annoyed eye roll. She turned away from her brother with her arms crossed and began to make her way out of Pandemonium_

_"You_ lost _your stele?" Jonathan asked, mock and disbelief in his voice. Suddenly he was at Cat's side, walking and looking at her with his eyebrows raised. "And I don't know where you think you're going, you can't just walk out of this place and wake up."_

_"Then how do I wake up, huh?" Cat snapped, stopping to glare at her brother. "And yes, if you must know, I did lose my stele. It wasn't anything special, I'll get another one."_

_"From who?" Jonathan asked, amusement lining his voice once again. "The warlock," He spat. "Or your new friends from the Clave?"_

_Cat's eyes widened at the mention of the Clave. "Shit," She cursed quickly. "Clary. The Clave must have her by now. The must have me too. Oh, God dammit." Cat brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes. "How do I get out of here?"_

_"I'll show you," Jonathan said, completely serious._ Man, this boy can be bipolar sometimes.

_"You don't think this could have been helpful before this moment?"_

_"Don't be sarcastic when I'm trying to help you. Now come here." Jonathan held Cat by the sides of her shoulder, forcing her to take a step towards him, and stared down at her. "Close your eyes," He ordered. Cat obeyed, closing her eyes tightly. "You need a link to the physical world. This of something or someone that you... love." He sounded almost pained to say the word. Love. And Cat couldn't stop herself from opening her eyes to look at him sadly. "Close your eyes," He said sternly._

_Cat closed her eyes once more. "How do you know this?" She asked, her voice small. "How do you know how to get out of here?"_

_"Because I have to do it every time I let you leave," He said simply. "Now stop talking. Just think. Do you have someone in mind?"_

How did it never occur to me that Jonathon loved someone? _Cat cursed to herself. She pushed it out of her mind. One thing at one. Cat nodded. "Yes."_

 _"Good, now keep thinking about them. Think about your memories of them. Moments when you were the... happiest around them or with them." There it was again. The pain in his voice as he said the word_ 'happiest.'

_Cat resisted the urge to look at him again. Hell, she had to resist the urge to throw her arms around him and hug him like there was no tomorrow. But she pushed it out of her mind again, instead, welcoming the flow of memories of her and Clary together. Her bright red hair in the wind as they chased each other as kids, Clary crawling into Cat's bed when she was little because she had a bad dream, them sitting on the steps outside their loft or lying on the roof of their building watching the sunrise or the sunset or even just staring at the stars in the middle of the night or at 3 am._

_Cat felt Jonathan's grip on her arms loosen and then disappear, and when she opened her eyes she was staring at a ceiling carved with iratzes._

**_\-----------------------------------------------_ **

Cat sat up in a fit of coughing. God, everything hurt, everything ached, why did she do this to herself? She felt like her throat was closing up and began to take small, fast gasps of air between coughing.

"By the angel," She could hear a girl's voice from across the room and soon felt the familiar sting of a stele against her skin. Cat began to calm immediately, only coughing a few times more than feeling the burning in her throat and lungs turn to a dull ache. Everything else still hurt though, especially her head.

She rubbed her eyes quickly then remembered that there was somebody else in the room with her. She looked up and to her side and saw the female Shadowhunter from the night before, the one who had been fighting a demon with only an electrum whip, and saw that she was looking at Cat with concern.

"Thanks," Cat croaked out, coughing once and bringing both her hands up to her forehead and resting her elbows on her knees. "God, my head hurts."

"The iratze should help. I'm Isabelle Lightwood, by the way, call me Izzy."

Cat took her hands away from her face and gave Izzy a small smile. "Catherine Fray- Well, Fairchild." And saying her last name made something that should have obviously been her first priority click in her head and her eyes widened. "Where's my sister?" 

"The red head? She's still asleep. A demon attacked her at your apartment, Jace had to give her an iratze."

"Demon!" Cat exclaimed, her eyes widening further. "In our- Who's Jace and why did he give my sister a rune?"

"That would be me," A male voice said and Isabelle and Cat both turned to look at Blondie who had appeared in the doorway and was leaning against the doorframe. "And I think it would be a better question to ask who you are."

Cat already hated him. Profanities were already running through her head as she looked at him. "Catherine Fairchild. Now, why did you give my sister and iratze when you didn't even know she was a Shadowhunter?" She snapped at him.

Izzy was standing in the same spot, watching Jace and Cats encounter with great amusement. "In my opinion, she would have died if I hadn't given her an iratze."

"She also would have died if she wasn't a Shadowhunter," She snapped again, trying not to start yelling.

"Well, it's a good thing she was, isn't it?"

Cat sat gaping at him in utter disbelief. She was getting ready to start throwing punches.

"You little-" 

She was cut-off by someone saying, "Jace," Sternly and appearing in the doorway next to Jace. He was the other Shadowhunter from Pandemonium, the tall, cute one with dark raven hair. And it's a good thing she was interrupted, too, because she was fully ready to throw punches.

"And, who are you?" Cat snapped,  still trying to calm down from nearly yelling at Jace. She regretted her tone almost instantly.

"That's Alec," Jace answered for him. "Now, what were you saying? I'm a little what? I will have you know that I am  _not_ little."

"Jace," Izzy and Alec both said at the same time. Cat and gaped at him again.

"Infirmary," Alec said, and with one last amused glance at Cat he was on his way. She was tempted to chase after him and punch him in his perfect jawline.

"Sorry about him," Izzy said, turning to Cat with a smile. Cat appreciated her positivity.

"Your friend's a dick," Cat said blatantly, looking from Isabelle to Alec quickly and back again. 

"We're aware of that," Isabelle said, still smiling.

Cat briskly closed her eyes and took one deep breath. "Can I see my sister, now, please?" She asked when she opened her eyes, successfully calming herself down.

Isabelle was still smiling. "She's in the infirmary. We'll take you to her."


End file.
